“Why do I keep becoming responsible for everyone?”
That response is not stupidity, weakness or failure.
Usually, it makes sense when we understand what shaped it.
Perhaps taking responsibility kept you connected to people you needed.
Perhaps vigilance helped you anticipate danger.
Perhaps achievement became associated with safety, belonging or worth.
Perhaps saying no once carried a genuine relational cost.
These responses are often intelligent adaptations to earlier circumstances.
The difficulty comes when something that once protected us continues running long after the circumstances have changed.
I’m a high-functioning professional and I can’t switch off
You may recognise yourself in some of this:
- You are capable and responsible, but increasingly exhausted by how much you carry.
- You struggle to switch off or relax.
- You feel responsible for too much or too many people.
- You are tired of managing yourself and would like something to actually shift.
- You function well, but it takes more effort than you would like.
- You are experiencing stress or burnout and know something about the way you are living needs to change.
You may be thinking things such as:
“I’m exhausted from holding everything together.”
“Why do I keep taking responsibility for everybody?”
“I can’t switch off.”
My work may be relevant to people experiencing chronic stress and burnout, high-functioning anxiety, over-functioning and over-responsibility, emotional exhaustion, perfectionism and relentless self-demand, and difficulty switching off.
The family system becomes part of the operating system
Did you learn to scan the room, manage tension, stay small, be useful, be easy, be competent or hold everything together?
Sometimes the adaptation is to become invisible.
Sometimes it is to become indispensable.
Sometimes it is to become perfect.
The difficulty comes when we take an operating system built for one environment and unconsciously apply it everywhere else.
And then we wonder why we are exhausted.
Why we are constantly monitoring everyone else.
Why failure feels unbearable.
Why we feel responsible for keeping things stable.
What are we actually working towards?
Not perfection.
Not a permanently regulated nervous system.
Not a life without difficulty.
The change may become visible in ordinary life: responding differently, taking less inappropriate responsibility, setting boundaries differently, no longer automatically rescuing, becoming less governed by guilt or fear, relating differently to partners or family members, or recognising an old theme without being pulled into it in exactly the same way.
The freedom to stop carrying what belongs to someone else.
Testimonials
“Arriving at Renee in her beautiful practice– a complete mess, where I wasn’t even able to string a sentence together without getting upset. I was anxious, depressed, overwhelmed, stressed and just in a very bad head space where I couldn’t concentrate, couldn’t go to work without crying and felt very alone.
Renee took one look at me and said “Have you heard about TRE” since then I have never looked back. No need to talk, and all the need to heal your body through doing what your body is meant to do to deal with emotions, stress, anxiety, depression etc. From the first session I felt back to normality and have just grown from strength to strength by learning this simple technique. I would highly recommend TRE to anyone and everyone.
TRE has turned my life around for the best and life just seems to be getting better each day.
Thank you so much Renee – a dedicated therapist, with life changing results!”